💔 Why We Resist Couples Therapy—Even When We Need It Most
- drcanziwang
- 12 hours ago
- 2 min read
"We can fix this ourselves."
"It's not that bad yet."
"We don't need a stranger to tell us about our relationship."
If these sentences sound familiar, you're not alone.
When relationship problems arise, most couples' first instinct is to handle it privately. Friends may gently suggest seeing a therapist, but we quickly brush it off: "We're not there yet."
But here's the question worth sitting with:
Why are we so resistant to seeking help—even when we're hurting, stuck, or drifting apart?
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🧠 The Hidden Barriers: What's Really Stopping Us?
As a psychologist, I've seen again and again that what looks like "we can handle it" is often something deeper. Here are 5 psychological barriers that keep couples from reaching out:
1. Shame
Somewhere along the way, we learned that needing help means we've failed. That a "strong" couple should figure it out on their own. But the truth? Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness—it's a sign of courage.
2. Fear of Judgment
What will the therapist think of us? What if they take sides? What if they confirm our worst fear—that something is fundamentally wrong with us, or our relationship?
3. Fear of Vulnerability
Opening up to a stranger about the most intimate parts of your life is terrifying. It means admitting things aren't okay. It means naming the pain, the disappointment, the loneliness you may have been avoiding.
4. Fear of Change
If therapy "works," things will change. And change—even positive change—is scary. What if we grow apart? What if one person changes and the other doesn't?
5. "It's Not Bad Enough"
This is the most common one. We wait until the pain is unbearable, until one foot is out the door, until we're already emotionally divorced. But here's the hard truth: You don't have to hit rock bottom to ask for help.
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🌱 What If We Thought About Therapy Differently?
What if couples therapy wasn't a last resort—but a sign of investment?
Think about it: You take your car in for maintenance before it breaks down. You go to the doctor for a check-up before symptoms appear. Why should your relationship be any different?
Therapy isn't about fixing what's broken. It's about strengthening what matters.
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❤️ A Message to You
If you're reading this and something feels familiar—if you're tired, lonely, or just tired of having the same fight over and over—please know: you don't have to suffer alone.
There is help.
There is hope.
And reaching out doesn't mean your relationship is over. It might just mean it's finally getting the attention it deserves.
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👇 Let's Talk
Have you and your partner ever considered therapy?
What's been holding you back?
Drop a comment below—anonymously if you'd like. You might be surprised how many others feel the same way.
And if you're ready to take the next step, I'm here. Let's walk through it together.
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Dr. Canzi
Licensed Psychologist & EFT Couples Therapist
Serving couples in California and beyond
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